Thursday, December 3, 2009


I know I haven't been posting regulary. Ack, it drives me crazy being this busy and rarely finding time to write anything at all. I'll be writing more soon. The urge is getting too strong to keep putting it put on the back burner. Bear with me.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Strong Is Beautiful

I recently saw this phrase while I was looking at running gear. This phrase, these three little words, made an impact on me. Funny, how the littlest phrase can come to mean so much to someone. This phrase holds two meanings for me, a physical one and mental one.

Strong Is Beautiful: Physical

As I gain strength and endurance during my fitness routine/marathon training, of course, I’m losing weight and creating a shape I’ve never had. Yet, I feel I look the best I ever have, and getting better everyday. I feel strong. Every part of my body exudes strength, not the overdone, muscle-bound body builder look, but everywhere, there is shape, tone, and definition. Strength equals beauty.

Strong Is Beautiful: Mental

The strength I now see in myself is different that the strength that people always told me I had. Over the years, many people, especially those I hold near and dear to my heart, have shared with me that they think I’m one of the strongest people they know. For the things I’ve been through, things I’ve encountered, things I’ve endured. I always wondered what they saw because to me, it was just doing what I had to for others, for what I thought was for myself. At the end of everyday, I prayed, wished, and hoped for someone to realize that I didn’t want to be strong anymore and offer to take my load.

I no longer feel that way. The transformation that has happened over the last six months hasn’t been just physical; actually that’s just a benefit. The transformation has been within myself. Daily, I feel empowered, strong, confident, everything I was when I was 18, fresh out of high school, ready to conquer the world. Running gives me plenty of time to think. I think about everything I want, don’t want, and need. Running gives me a chance to step back from myself and realize what’s in my best interest. It lets me sort out my thoughts and ideas before I come up with a plan of action. Who needs a shrink? Just give me my New Balance shoes and an mp3 player, let me loose, and cancel my therapy appointment.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Texas Autumn Morning

Autumn has descended upon the Texas landscape. This morning as I leisurely drove to my office, I took in the sights nature provided, grateful that I get to drive through countryside every day. The rich, velvety purples intermingled with crisp, green grass, all basking in the morning sunlight. The commingled grasses led up to rustic wooden fences on which trees laden with golden and burgundy leaves draped. Smoky blues covered the rolling hills in the distance with bursts of brilliant golds, deep crimsons, and vivid greens creating a line of pigments, like candy for the eyes, as far as one could see. The rosy sun breaks through the defense of nighttime blues, reaching his fingers languidly over the hills and fields, gently nudging the world awake.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Fitness Update and Goals

I've been doing well on my "back to healthy" journey I started back in March after the loss of my step-brother and putting on weight I never imagined I could get. I should track my calories more frequently but I'm in such a pattern and I can eye my portions almost perfectly. I know when I eat too much and know how to balance my calorie intake on days I need to if I go over. I've officially fit into my lifestyle change, I think.

On the soccer front, the rainy fall has only let us play 4 games so far, so over the next few weeks I'm (hopefully) in for a good amount of soccer if the weather cooperates. My foot injury is doing well as long as I rest when I need to and actually listen to my body. I'm currently in the hunt for off season conditioning without crossing over into indoor soccer. I like it, but I prefer outdoor. I have found incredible Les Mills classes, but I'm also looking into a possible mixed martial arts (MMA) gym to do judo with my son.

As for working out, I keep on a regular schedule of running, weights, and yoga. As the colder months approach, I have to decide either to suffer the cold or get into a local rec center to have a horrendous affair with the "dreadmill". I only hope my neighborhood streets and park track will understand.

I have officially completed my first 5K. Saturday, I ran the Susan G. Komen in Dallas. 40.05 minutes, pretty impressive even with my foot aching almost the entire time. I got to run with one of my Calorie Count friends that I've made through that site, and the motivation we both had kept me fueled. I've always hated running, but now it's a need, a craving my body has almost daily. The endurance I have proven to have came through and I have never felt so empowered in my life. Well, except for giving birth twice, but this accomplishment is solely mine. I'll continue to do 5Ks until I feel I need to do more.

As for weight loss and management, I hit 145 around October 1st. It's been almost four years since I've seen that weight. I still think I need to lose just about 5 pounds, but my workouts are about toning, definition, and self-esteem. Of course the adrenaline/endorphin highs are fantastic as well.

I have shared my journey throughout all of this with several, many actually, people and will continue to do so. The fact that I inspire and motivate others keeps me motivated. Truly motivated for every day to stay with it and encourage others to do whatever it takes to start or keep them on their journey. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to feel this way, to help others and myself without Calorie Count. That site, the friends I have made there, the constant challenge and support have had an intricate role in my journey to become happy with the new self I see emerging on a daily basis.

After evaluating several factors in my weight stabilization, I have set a couple of new goals. They seem a bit paltry, but they are new and something new to work towards is always a good thing. New goals keep me motivated. I just work better that way. Work to see results, kind of gal.

1. Adjusted goal date to hit my "happy" weight to December 1st. I've already passed a goal date, several actually, but I hadn't realized what I really needed to do, to drop the last few pounds.

2. Try something new every month to get out of the "routine". Classes, weight workouts, swimming, the "dreadmill" (ugh), whatever I can do to jump start the loss again.

3. A new perspective and attitude. Even though I will most likely always be working towards a number, I'm trying to remember that now it's about shape, feeling, overall health.

With that said, I say to you that just can't seem to get started or find yourself lacking the motivation, just do something. Anything. Make that start, commit and stay strong. Just like with children, consistency is key. Be consistent, make a routine, make an appointment with yourself and the rest of your new life! Grab this opportunity with both hands and do not let go. Carpe diem to the fullest extent!

Staying strong and happy health.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My Random Thoughts Today

1. One full day of cartoons can make you feel like you're losing IQ points.

2. If you kill two bugs that you see mating, are there any karmic repercussions?

3. Why can't I take chances in life like I do in computerized Farkle?

4. No one tells you that after the age of 30, ice cream may no longer like you, even if you like it more than ever.

5. No matter how much I love the rainy weather, consistently yucky weather is wearing on the soul. the main reason I never moved to Seattle.

6. How can 9 year old boys take longer and hotter showers than their mother, who has four times as much hair to wash and condition and has to shave her legs?

7. Emotions are a funny thing...and often come out of nowhere.

8. I'm realizing things I wanted 10, 11, even 12 years ago...are nowhere close to things I want now.

9. Having only boys as your children is quite remarkable. When you're not feeling well, one will draw you flowers and the other will jump all over you.

10. Romance equals effort.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

My 9 Year Old's Christmas List

In order to get a head start on Christmas shopping, I had T, my 9 year old son, sit down and make out his Christmas list. Considering I don't remember in the slightest what I wanted for Christmas when I was 9, his list is pretty impressive especially since he put some pretty practical things on it.

1. Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25 with tripod

2. LEGO Indian Jones Xbox 360 game

3. New play shoes
(I, the cool mom, am thinking about these...)


(Because of the mature rating...this is something we'll have to think about.)

5. A cell phone
(I seriously do not think so.)

6. A new pair of biking gloves.

7. The Beatles, Rock Band.

8.The Universe (the whole series)

9. Electronic Toss Across

10. My own ATV

(I personally think this is awesome as all get out, but considering we don't have the land for's just not feasible.)

11. Just Kidding by Andy Griffiths.

Added by Mom

12. Goosebumps Series by R.L. Stine

13. MP3 Player

14. Digital Camera

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

What I Love About Today

Top Ten Things I Love About Today

1. I had the chance to run in the quiet mist of the morning.
2. Cooler air is moving in on this new fall day.
3. It's officially fall! Even though I absolutely love the summer, fall brings so many things that summer just can't.
4. My goal skirt...fits in the waist finally, but my legs have refined into bulk muscle to a point where it's a bit too tight to walk in.
5. I'm 4 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight before my second son, and in the best darn shape of my life.
6. I've fallen in love with a couple of songs that I can't get out of my head. Thank you, Lady Antebellum.
7. I realized that I have made some of the most awesome friends via the internet.
8. I also realized that without internet (mainly through Facebook, thank you) I would have never reconnected with many people that I thought I had lost forever or had never truly found before.
9. I love the fact that I have a job that I'm darn good at, and I still have it, despite this rollercoaster economy.
10. I have a great family, and I love the fact that I've helped them be great!

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Muno Birthday Cake Test

This past weekend I crossed over from a bakery cake consumer to a home cake maker. The process was fairly easy with a minor hiccup (whipped frosting), all in an effort to make my youngest son a Muno birthday cake for his Yo Gabba Gabba birthday party. Here is the final outcome.It was a hit, only one piece left. Guess that triple chocolate fudge cake was hard to resist. :)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The First of Many New Blogs

I originally had this blog as a private "vent", say whatever kind of blog. Around my birthday a couple of weeks ago, I realized I needed change, and the best way to get change is to make it yourself. So, I have adopted a "positive" outlook. Not just an optimistic view, but an active mental participation on making myself happier. I read "Happiness From the Inside Out" by Robert Mack. I've applied some of the things he wrote about in his book. I've made decisions solely based on whether it will bring me happiness. Now, you may chuckle and ask, "how hard can it be to make yourself happy?" To someone who, over the years, has become a naturally critical and pessimistic's a difficult challenge. Therefore, changes have been made and the changes are for the better. I exercise...daily, no excuses. I do have rest days, but they are not routine. I do hobbies and events for me and only me. I play soccer; I scrapbook; I read, I take long baths, I learn. Whatever gives me happiness. Yes, it may sounds as if I am becoming selfish, and in a way, I am. My boys and my husband see the new happiness in me and in turn, they are happy. Therefore, our happiness makes a large circle feeding off the happiness we make and the happiness we receive.

Friday, June 26, 2009

My Husband, the Blogger

My husband has officially joined the blogging community. He is actually quite good at it, especially since he's writing about his one true love, the only love I have to compete with, music. He's having so much fun, and I am glad for him, eveh though we now have to compete for "quiet computer time" a.k.a., blogging and computer research without kids in our laps or kids yelling or fighting right beside us as we are trying to be brilliant. Yet, we will manage. :)
In honor of him joining the throngs of the online writers, I dedicate this post solely to him and his blog. Subpar is a blog dedicated to the rare and often forgotten music that I have rarely heard or not prefer to hear. Read more below.

SUB-PAR: Not measuring up to traditional standards of performance, value, or production. Music available from this Blog, the U.S. Government does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed. The music on this blog is intended for review purposes and should not be seen as a substitute for the original, legal product. Support your Artist and Musicians by Purchasing Music if you like it.
So, have fun, you guys and remember support your music by purchasing, not pirating!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

A Dreamer's Heartbreak

I always used to pride myself on the fact that I was a dreamer, living with expectations of things that could happen. I guess you could say I was actually an optimist at one time. But the life of this dreamer has led to nothing but heartbreak. No, I'm not talking about the romance kind of heartbreak. Heartbreak when you realize that your dreams have just put your expectations of life way too high. Heartbreak that you realize that you're not the person who can conquer the world, or the city or hell, even some days your own home. Heartbreak when you realize that plans are made to be broken, expecting leads to disappointment, and dreams are just something to keep your mind entertained when you're not busy with something else. Heartbreak when you realize that the adult version of you is nothing like the person you know you should be, but you don't know how you got there or what to do to change. Heartbreak when the fun, creative, smiling woman that you once were is now hidden away in some shell that functions through your everyday life. Heartbreak is knowing that you have to pretend your happiness so the significant people in your life will stay, when all you want to do is just "be".

I keep being told "don't give up", "just hang on", etc., etc. When are people going to realize I am exhausted, and the fingernails I've been hanging on by are ready to break. I've had one dream come true in the last 7.5 years. If the fact that dream wasn't my youngest son, I'd be highly disappointed. Yet, my boys are my reasons. They are the reasons I endure this heartbreak, disappointment, anger, and loneliness. They are the reasons I try somehow to make things better everyday for them. They are the reasons I hide my tears in the streams of the shower, in the pockets of my pillows, and in the words I never speak.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Blogger Moms in DFW Can Test Drive a Chevy Traverse

All blogger moms in the DFW Area, take notice! Go to and register to be one of five moms to test drive a Chevy Traverse for 8 weeks! How cool is that?!? You also get a family pack for a day at Six Flags and a massage for you from Massage Envy. Go check it out!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Recycling is a Family Passion.

For almost this entire school year, my 8 year old son, Taylor, has been learning the other set of the Three R's...Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. We have contributed to his class's recycling projects wholeheartedly. From donating bags of recyclable goods to helping him make posters, we have passionately helped him and his class learn more about recycling. Taylor now understands why I have always tried to recycle as much as I can. Sorting the recycling is something he and I now bond over, and the treks to the recycling sites are "our" adventures. Even our volunteering together usually incorporates recycling or an environmental theme!

Recycling is a passion for our whole family. I've been recycling ever since I moved into my first place. My friends then used to laugh at me and call me "hippie". LOL. My friends now ask me for recycling and environmental advice. I'm putting a couple of links that I use all the time to find recycling information.

The EPA and the National Institute of Environmental Health Services also have fun sites for kids to learn more about recycling.

Recycle something with your kids today! Never know how passionate they can get about it!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Marriage Questions

This is a marriage meme that floated around Facebook, but I found it on dooce. I thought it was different enough to put here.

What are your middle names?
Dawn is my middle name & hubby's is Jason.

How long have you been together?
We've been together since December of 1998, married on February 11,, married for 9 years, 10 days & together in totale for 10 years, 2 months.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I met him in the summer of 1998. A friend of mine used to work across the street from his house. We'd sit on the back porch and watch him and his friends. She got to know them and introduced me. When I had a horrible breakup (and car accident) on Thanksgiving weekend, he and his roommate offered me his spare room. We started "dating" within the next couple of weeks. So, a matter of months, 6 at most.

Who asked whom out?
No one asked anyone out, it just happened.

How old are each of you?
I'm 30, he's 36. This difference in age always has us comparing everything about our childhoods. I often have to remind him that when he was listening to 80's punk, I was still listening to whatever my mom put on the radio.

Whose siblings do you see the most?Hubby is the oldest of three, and I am the middle of five, 3rd of 6 if you include my step-brother (now deceased). My siblings are scattered near and far, mostly far. We live in the same town as his siblings and parents, so obviously we see his siblings more, especially with his little brother living just a few blocks away.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?I'd say money, but we always work through our money issues just fine. Honestly, it would have to be parenting. We've made more compromises on how we parent our sons than anything we've ever tackled. We each have our moments when one of us thinks we have the "perfect" thing to do, and then have to admit the other person was right and try it their way.

Did you go to the same school?
We both went to UNT. He started studying RTVF, got an internship, which turned into a full time job, left school and has not returned since. I went to UNT from 1996-2001, graduating in December of '01 with a BA in English.

Are you from the same home town?
No. I'm from a small hick town in North Texas, and he's a Yank from southern Illinois.

Who is smarter?
It all depends on what you're talking about...I'm book smart, money smart, computer smart. He's music smart, kitchen smart, and car smart. We each excel in different things.

Who is the most sensitive?
Again, it depends. He swears I only have feelings when I'm PMSing. I tell him I swear he only has feelings when he wants sex.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Eat out as a couple, that's funny. No, really, the place we go to most is an old college favorite bar of ours called Cool Beans (Remember, we enjoyed this bar on our own at different times.) But they have the best nachos, tacos and the best darn veggie burgers you'll find in Denton. But when we do have a "date", we strive to try something new, different, and not kid-friendly.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Arkansas. Due to jobs and kids, we haven't gotten to travel together as much as we liked.

Who has the craziest exes?
It would probably have to be me. The guy that I was dating/engaged to right before hubby started coming around our house (how he found out where I was living still makes me wonder) to "talk" with me. Finally, after he showed up when my oldest son was almost 3 months old, I had to tell him to never come back unless he wanted the cops to visit at the same time he did. We moved very shortly after that.

Who has the worst temper?
Me, hands down. Yes, even at 30 I still throw temper tantrums and throw crap against the wall. But, my kids do not see it and my husband is afraid of it. The adult in me has learned the appropriate time to throw a tantrum...when I'm alone.

Who does the cooking?
We both do. When I met Hubby, all I could cook was pork chops and anything from a box, and he was in the culinary industry. So, he did the majority of the good cooking until I go pregnant with my youngest. Then I started craving things I couldn't find in the store and I was addicted to the Food Network, so I got a Rachael Ray cookbook and started cooking. Whalaaaa....I can cook good food!

Who is the neat-freak?
Again me, hands down. I think I border on OCD because I have my things that must be "just right". Granted, my lovely hubby and my youngest son has helped me "let go" of many of my peeves over the years. But I still do color code my clothes in my closet.

Who is more stubborn?
I am country Texas stubborn and also a Cancer. He is Yankee Chicago stubborn and a Taurus. Take a wild guess. Now imagine how stubborn our two boys turned out.

Who hogs the bed?
Me. Not that I do it intentionally, but I do go to bed first, so doesn't that entitle me to the majority of the bed? In my defense, hubby also falls asleep on the couch...a lot. On the off chance, he does make it to the bed, he just rolls me over and not like that.

Who wakes up earlier?
Me again. I enjoy waking up early. Being awake at 5, 5:30, even at 6 on weekends means I get to work out in peace (if I want to work out), have a hot and full cup of coffee, shower with no one yelling through the door or curtain, or just stay in my jammies and finish the movie I fell asleep through the night before.

Where was your first date?
We never really had "a date". But this would be the closest to a first date. We went to the Square with a friend of ours. Our friend wanted to go into a store we really didn't want to go in, so we stayed outside, sat on the hood of the car and talked, and then he kissed me. Not sure who it shocked more, but it was unforgettable.

Who is more jealous?
Another, it depends. He gets jealous when it comes to guys looking, talking or even breathing in my general direction. I get jealous over stupid stuff, like beer, music I don't like, or Call of Duty.

How long did it take to get serious?
We were always serious. Of course, he realized it much sooner than I ever did.

Who eats more?
Probably him. Except during PMS week when we have to stock up the kitchen like it's Armageddon

Who does the laundry?
We both do. Right now, I sort the laundry. He washes and dries them. I fold and put away, except for my 8 year old's clothes. He's old enough to put away his own laundry. He doesn't do whites or delicates. He says bleach makes him nervous, and I say my undies and work shirts washed in warm water makes me nervous.

Who's better with the computer?
Another depends. He's good at hardware issues and remembering to defrag and all that jazz. I'm good with software and putting the reminders on the calendars that makes him remember to defrag.

Who drives when you are together?
He does. He is the better driver, and for a good part of our marriage, he didn't have a license, so I had to drive even when I didn't feel like driving. I kinda like him driving all the time. It's sort of the one chivalrous thing he does.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Losing Senses

I'm pretty sure we've all been asked the question "If you had to keep just one sense, which one would it be?". I've always answered sight, mainly because I love color and don't really like to be in complete darkness (as in can't see in front of my face dark). I can deal with loss of taste or smell. With years of dealing with sinuses and allergies, I've lost one or both of these temporarily enough to know I can live without them. Yet, with my current earache, I'm reminded of how much I like to hear. So, right now, if you came up on my right side, I would barely hear you or turn around to you blindly and say "Huh?". Just like an old lady!

What about you....what sense can you NOT live without?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

To My Funny Valentines

To all of you who may read this, and to those of you who don't. Happy Valentine's Day. A day to show love to those who you care for. A day stemmed from a saint and makes commercialism proud. Yet, no politico today. Valentine's day is where even the most cynical and pragmatic woman turns romantic. Lucky for me, I have three males to ignore me. Just kidding. I dote on my boys on Valentine's day with heart-shaped pancakes and all sorts of "mom loves her kiddos" kind of stuff. I get romance from my life mate, who inevitably gets to bypass all of the Valentine hubbub since our anniversary is just 3 days before. Lucky him. But I still send Valentines to my family and friends (when life is not as chaotic as it has been this year, so my dear friends & family, I do apologize).
I have to say this year, my funny valentines are my best friends. Today, I can tell them that I love them as much as I love anybody else who is kept close to me. Even though, they know this (and they very well should!), I have to tell them. I love you dear friends!
To all who can read this....cynical or not, let love creep in or at least the fun-ness of the day. Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Creative Stagnance

Over the last couple months I have hit roadblocks, word blocks, creative blocks. No ideas at all. Not just in writing, but my designing, business ideas, scrapbooking, even in suggestions for my son when I am helping him with homework. I feel like a creative paraplegic. The desire to move is there, but it's just not happening. I am trying to find the deep-rooted seed that has taken hold in my creative zone. I feel like I'm hunting for the white rabbit. Until my creative river takes flow my reader, get vents, ramblings, inexplicable soliloquies. Let's pray the river flows soon. :)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

New Year, New You

Ah, such is the life to live now. Working desperately to keep those resolutions...lose weight, get organized, eat better, yadda, yadda. So, I have those too, see above for the generic ones, but here's my secret one...write. It's always what I've wanted to do, so now I at least try, everyday. One of my issues is that I come up with the best topics in the shower...someone really needs to invent something so I can write in the shower. I'll give blood to buy that. Ah, one other secret resolution of thankful, especially for the people in my life.