A New Month

Every 30-ish days, I get a do over. At least that's how it seems to me, especially this month. Maybe it's because Spring is right around the corner. Maybe it's just because I like a clean slate. I really don't know. I do know every 1st of the month, I get a little twitter in my step and a shot of glee when I turn that calendar page. I don't care if my calendar is already packed, I just love turning that page.

So, this month I'm hopping on this "clean slate" feeling and blogging every day this month. I am a bit terrified because I often feel I rarely have anything interesting enough for people to read every day. Perhaps that's the reason I post on an occasional basis. Nevertheless, I plan to post every single day even if I really have nothing witty or something deep to get off my chest. Maybe this will be the creative kick in the rear I need. We'll see.

Projects

Last night I watched Julie & Julia, and in the back of my mind, I thought to myself, "I should do a project like that". You know, a year-long project learning to do something and learning about myself, and then I thought..."I'm already doing that, and more". My year long 'diligence' project would be considered my race training. I already blog about it here, and just like Julie's cooking project in the movie, it takes diligence, dedication, inspiration, and a willingness to go beyond your normal tendencies.

As I began to think of the "and more" part, I realized how many side projects I have going all the time...and this on top of all my working-mother/wife-busy-as-all-get-out schedule. So, let's see who gets overwhelmed first at the sight of my list:

• Soccer. Outdoor soccer for me, not my kids. This takes up most Sundays for 8 months of the year just for games alone.
• Scrapbooking. Enough said, with many unfinished projects.
• Writing. I think the most progress in this area is in my blogging.
• Learning to sew. Yea...
• Monthly Girls' Night Out Organizer. Hey, it's the only way I can guarantee I see everyone on a semi-regular basis.
• Converting to a more organic, natural livelihood everyday. It's actually pretty hard when you have very little time for research, testing, etc.
• Trying to save the world one little corner at a time. Well, at least trying to make a difference in someone's world.

Now, that I see it all typed out, it measures up to a paltry little list, but one has to consider the components of each "project" making each one a bit more complex than it seems. Yet, it still makes me consider something else entirely. Perhaps my year long project is to make progress within all of my other projects...hmmm, that is a possibility and another subject for yet another post.

Letting It Go

Of all the lessons I still need to learn, letting go is probably the biggest lesson of all I need to learn. If I just let go, even a little, wishes may come true, desires may become reality, and peace can be found. On New Year's Eve, I realized I actually have much to let go of...dreadful traditions, unfulfilled relationships, little "sentimental" items with no actual sentiment. For once, I have no plan to take on this daunting character task I have before me.

Yet, that in itself, is another way of letting go. I keep trying to plan this, plan that, plan for whom, plan for what. Plans don't turn out, I get disappointed and then my "plans" are ruined. I'm not saying not to plan for anything, but somehow I've managed to plan practically every second of my life and now my family's lives. I thought I was organized, but I realized I've started becoming overbearing, controlling, and difficult at times. That's not me. Plans now go out the window. I'm doing the essential planning, but letting life happen as well. My family flourishes under spontaneity. Even if it is baking sugar cookies from scratch at 9 p.m. at my sister's house and we stay up late waiting for them to finish or just the occasional playtime before bed or better yet, the surprising hug and thank you to the husband.

Another area to let go is with certain people, certain relationships and certain expectations. First things first, I'm easily letting go of people who make me feel less than myself or worse than I should. Thing is, I never really cared what they thought of me, I just always let people's good happenings get to me and make me see the negative in my life. I was miserable when I should be extremely happy in a life I work hard to make.

A little while ago, I start living by this anonymous quote: The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs. I started weeding out people who I thought I needed in my life yet, they apparently didn't need me in theirs. Part of my letting go will take my weeding out, or deciphering, process to another level. I will start letting go of certain aspects of certain relationships; certain aspects that have kept me from growing with my family, growing within my marriage, growing within my community, and most importantly, growing within myself.

I hope at the end of all of this I will become the person I think I am, the person I know that's hiding in me somewhere, the person who got lost years ago and is ready to come home.

Goodbye 2009

2009 wasn't a spectacular year, yet in reflection, I conjured up a list of great things that happened.

• I lost a total of 22 pounds.
• Taylor started karate and ended the year with a green belt.
• Paul appreciated the goings on of a stay-at-home parent.
• Cyrus' communication level increased exponentially.
• Taylor attended his first "real" rock concert...with me, of all people.
• Paul appreciated becoming re-employed.
• Cyrus has become 98.5% potty trained.
• Paul joined a new band and debuted it on the last night of the year.
• I ran my first 5K for the Susan G. Komen foundation.
• I met and become friends with fantastic people...all thanks to the WWW.
• Taylor learned the first lesson of responsibility and consequences with chores and allowance.
• Taylor joined the Borman Singing Astros out of his own desire.
• I read 39 books this year.
• Cyrus has an artistic streak a mile and more wide, and it has flourished.
  
• We all learned lessons of the importance of family and good people.

Now we put 2009 to rest and save the memories to live the adventure of 2010.

Posting

I know I haven't been posting regulary. Ack, it drives me crazy being this busy and rarely finding time to write anything at all. I'll be writing more soon. The urge is getting too strong to keep putting it put on the back burner. Bear with me.

Strong Is Beautiful

I recently saw this phrase while I was looking at running gear. This phrase, these three little words, made an impact on me. Funny, how the littlest phrase can come to mean so much to someone. This phrase holds two meanings for me, a physical one and mental one.

Strong Is Beautiful: Physical

As I gain strength and endurance during my fitness routine/marathon training, of course, I’m losing weight and creating a shape I’ve never had. Yet, I feel I look the best I ever have, and getting better everyday. I feel strong. Every part of my body exudes strength, not the overdone, muscle-bound body builder look, but everywhere, there is shape, tone, and definition. Strength equals beauty.

Strong Is Beautiful: Mental

The strength I now see in myself is different that the strength that people always told me I had. Over the years, many people, especially those I hold near and dear to my heart, have shared with me that they think I’m one of the strongest people they know. For the things I’ve been through, things I’ve encountered, things I’ve endured. I always wondered what they saw because to me, it was just doing what I had to for others, for what I thought was for myself. At the end of everyday, I prayed, wished, and hoped for someone to realize that I didn’t want to be strong anymore and offer to take my load.

I no longer feel that way. The transformation that has happened over the last six months hasn’t been just physical; actually that’s just a benefit. The transformation has been within myself. Daily, I feel empowered, strong, confident, everything I was when I was 18, fresh out of high school, ready to conquer the world. Running gives me plenty of time to think. I think about everything I want, don’t want, and need. Running gives me a chance to step back from myself and realize what’s in my best interest. It lets me sort out my thoughts and ideas before I come up with a plan of action. Who needs a shrink? Just give me my New Balance shoes and an mp3 player, let me loose, and cancel my therapy appointment.

Texas Autumn Morning

Autumn has descended upon the Texas landscape. This morning as I leisurely drove to my office, I took in the sights nature provided, grateful that I get to drive through countryside every day. The rich, velvety purples intermingled with crisp, green grass, all basking in the morning sunlight. The commingled grasses led up to rustic wooden fences on which trees laden with golden and burgundy leaves draped. Smoky blues covered the rolling hills in the distance with bursts of brilliant golds, deep crimsons, and vivid greens creating a line of pigments, like candy for the eyes, as far as one could see. The rosy sun breaks through the defense of nighttime blues, reaching his fingers languidly over the hills and fields, gently nudging the world awake.