Hiatus

I am officially posting about taking a public hiatus from my blog. Actually both of them, including my running blog. I feel I am at a point where I will not publicly post things I want to write about right now, nor do I want to be the blogger that posts random, unrelated junk all over my blog. Hopefully I will get back to it soon, and my very few readers can continue reading my musings.

Take care,
~Carin~

Living in a Smarter City.

My friend, Jamie, recently wrote about a certain company's "eco"-wannabe marketing ways. You can check it out here. Her blog triggered my eco-friendly passion, and I wanted to throw out a super cool fact about the place I call home.

Most of my eco-friendly ways were started while I attended college at the University of North Texas. Living in a progressive city only fueled my self-responsibility to the planet. After living here for 15 years, I am a resident beaming with pride to say I live in one of the top green cities in the America. Cited by the National Resource and Defense Council (NRDC), Denton, Texas is considered one of America's 2010 Smarter Cities.

Side note: Another cool fact is that Texas (a major oil and natural gas state) has four, yes I said four, Smarter Cities.

Eco-friendly is more than a trend here; it is a permanent lifestyle. We aren't all "hippies" here in the "Little D", but I can guarantee you can find "crop-sharing" in the middle of town, more bike/walk routes, ways to recycle, and energy-efficient buildings all in this quaint "town" that Dentonites love.

Books I Want to Read As Soon As Humanly Possible

Part of me cannot believe I even have this list because I usually read books five to ten minutes at a time shortly before I succumb to sleep every night. I do have days where I become enraptured and entangled within a book to where I waste a weekend away just reading because I cannot. put. it. down. Yet here I am, writing an ASAP list of books I want to read.

• Eat, Pray, Love. , Elizabeth Gilbert
• Committed, Elizabeth Gilbert
  
• Suck It, Wonder Woman!, Olivia Munn


• Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain


• Run Like a Mother: How to Get Moving--and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity, Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea


• The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women, Dawn Dais


• The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, Deepak Chopra


• Journal of a Solitude, May Sarton


• Eat Mangoes Naked, SARK


• Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Alborn


• Surfacing, Margaret Atwood

This list does not include every book recommended to me by my friend, SN. She's always reading something quite interesting. All in all, I feel that I can learn something in particular from each book and my urge to read them grows daily. What are you wanting to read?

Thirty-Two Thoughts

Since my birthday, all sorts of thoughts have been swirling in my head. I happened to capture thirty-two of them in honor of my 32nd birthday.

1. I truly believe this next year of my life has an end result of fabulous.

2. The strongest I have ever felt is when I gave birth, finished every race, and every minute on the soccer pitch.

3. I just may be one of the biggest jocks in a skirt you may ever meet.

4. I have amazing legs. Sure, they look good, but I am more amazed at what they have carried me through than anything.

5. I really do enjoy flowers. Don’t let my tough girl front fool you.

6. Massages really are a saving grace. As much as I put my body through the ringer, sometimes someone else needs to do the job.

7. An objective opinion never really hurts anything at all.

8. A couple of really great friends really can make you feel like the most popular person in the world.

9. It really is true that the older you get, the less you care what people think about you.

10. Even though happiness is something I search for, I think I want peace more than anything.

11. No matter how I feel, my two wonderful boys will always bring some sort of a smile to my face.

12. Passion is contagious.

13. An awesome pair of shoes can turn a so-so outfit into spectacular.

14. Sometimes it is about the big things.

15. A camera is the best way to jolt a horrible memory.

16. One of these days, I won't do "what I should" and it just might be the best darn day of my life.

17. One color can bring back confidence such as a red lipstick, red top, or red toenail polish.

18. Love does hurt, even when you're going through a good spell.

19. I never thought going to bed at 9 p.m. as a good thing until I started running before the sun came up.

20. Expectations people place on you can be confining; expectations you think people place on you feels like jail.

21. Some people do really just get the luck of the draw, and I just have to keep working to get my royal flush.

22. Putting yourself first is not selfish.

23. Solitude should be a commodity, at least for the next 8-14 years.

24. Good mattresses can transform you in a matter of nights.

25. I've had my heart broken more than anyone will ever know.

26. Mexican food tops my food list, and I suggest it for every meal.

27. The perfect night always includes at least one margarita.

28. I'm finding more of myself everyday.

29. I thank my mother (at least mentally) for something everyday. She may not know it but she taught me more about what I wanted out of life than anyone.

30. I've been serious for way too long at way too young of an age. Beware! The fun search has begun.

31. Daily, I struggle with several things I never talk about. This is probably the closest I will ever talk about it.

32. Perspective is probably the one thing that can change in a second and impact the rest of your life.

Birthdays!

I admit it, my birthday is by far, my favorite day of the year. Yes, I do love the attention (wow, I admitted that, too), but my birthday is bigger than New Year's in my book.

Of course, a party or some type of major fun is planned, hopefully surrounded by your favorite people. Even the ones who can't be there, feel close in spirit, in your heart.

For me, it gives me a good time to re-evaluate my year, my life, my everything; kind of like a midway stop to make sure I'm on track. Some years, the re-evaluation may be like a quick annual inspection on a vehicle. Other years, it may involve a complete overhaul.

I've been asked before why I put such a big emphasis on birthdays. I have heard "It's just another day." or "Birthdays are for kids." No, it's not. Birthdays are for everyone. Everyone has one. A person's birthday is that one special day to celebrate that one special person...yourself.

Birthdays are about the celebration of life; the journey that has brought you this far, and the hopes, dreams and plans to take you to the next and beyond. Birthdays celebrate the fact that without you, this world would be different.

Raise your glass, toast with me! Happy Birthday to my 31 years that brought me to 32 in any way possible. To the years ahead of me, may they be filled with fun, smiles, learning and love.

Morning Commute

Very rarely does my morning commute involve cursing, banging on the steering wheel, or bumper to bumper traffic. I consider myself rather fortunate for my commute, even though I still secretly wish to work from home. Yet, my commute is a short one. 25 minutes tops usually, and that even includes dropping off the little ones. My drive takes me through town, a town I love, through the country on two-lane highways, and a small stretch on a fairly quiet portion of the interstate highway. Not many would complain about that commute. My favorite thing of my commute is rolling down the windows (weather permitting, of course) and blaring the tunes, singing right along or playing air drums on my steering wheel. Tunes ranging from Vivaldi and Beethoven to The Beatles to Kenny Chesney to Chevelle.

This morning was a particularly good morning for my commuting jam session. A tropical 77 ° with a warm breeze makes for a pleasantly uncommon Texas morning. The sun still slumbering behind a gray blanket of clouds keeps the air as cool as can be with weather from tropical storm Alex in the forecast. My mellow spirits began to lift as I lowered my windows and starting jamming to the playlist below. Check out the links to hear my morning tunes for today.

• Tonic: If You Could Only See
• Civil Twilight: Letters From the Sky
• Lit: Miserable
• Chevelle: Send the Pain Below
• Kings of Leon: Sex on Fire
• Gavin DeGraw: I Don't Want to Be
• U2: Where the Streets Have No Names
• Coldplay: Talk

What music makes your mornings? Are your commutes just as pleasant, better, worse?

My New Theme Song

This song has nothing to do with losing weight, even though it's the theme song for the new show by Jillian Michaels, Losing It.

This represents me living, living as me and just me, not all of my encompassing roles.

Learning To Live by Beth Hart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF2loBxux48

I keep my head on straight
And my eyes wide open
I try to move forward
Wishing and hoping
I took a hold of myself
In the middle of November
Don't you look back now
Is all I can remember

I feel like I'm leaving
Like I'm leaving home
Like he clouds are parting, and I'm not alone

[Chorus 1]
I'm learning to live
Living to learn
Starting to sing my song
Right, or wrong
Breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me
I'm learning to live

I got my vanity crisis
From my beautiful mother
I'm not gonna go there
I'm anything other
Take another deep breath now
It's just one more hurdle
I'm breaking this line
Before it comes full circle

I feel like I'm leaving
Like I'm leaving home
Like he clouds are parting, and I'm not alone

[Chorus 2]
I'm learning to live
Living to learn
Starting to sing my song
Right, or wrong
Breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me

I found a place, where I can lay my shit down
Somewhere that I can finally be myself - be myself

[Chorus 2]
I'm learning to live
Living to learn
Starting to sing my song
Right, or wrong
Breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me

[Chorus 1]
I'm learning to live
(Living to learn)
(Starting to sing my song) living to learn
(Right, or wrong)
I'm breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me
I'm learning to live

Admist a Metamorphosis

Currently, I am wrapped in an invisible cocoon. Thinking, deciding, wondering, pondering. Changes in my heart, my spirit, my soul are necessary for the butterfly within to emerge. Yet, the transformation process is a slow one to progress forward. The changes began nearly two years ago, slowly, independently, quietly within the dark corners of my mind. As days passed and I looked deeper inside myself, the changes began to grow louder until my voice broke the silence and announced my needs.

Since declaring my necessities, I have stepped within myself and began to wrap my doubts, my fears, my questions around me creating a numbing cocoon, in which I can hide and delve into the depths of my mind. I protect myself with a disguise of someone who used to be me. This clone, or other me, walks daily through my life. The other me lives like I do, yet numb, broken, nearly empty. Still, I hide inside waiting for the day I break through and emerge from self-preservation, eager to live and let life fill me again.

Green Giveaway

We are always on the hunt for products that make our lives greener. Here's one product that I really need to remember to order. ReUsies. An adorable way to rid plastic baggies from our kids' lunches!

Right now, a great sale is going on. If you would like to get some ReUsies, they are having a sale right now! You can save 10% on orders of 3 or more, simply enter code "3ORMORE" at checkout!

If you're not ready to purchase some of your own, try to win two Reusies, one sandwich size and one snack size. Go to MomsWearYourTees blog to enter!

Aha!

I love those kind of moments when everything just clicks and makes sense. They do wonders for my Type A personality, almost like the first sunshine after a dreary winter. A brilliant beacon of hope that the grayness is leaving soon. This weekend, I had several of those. Without revealing all details before taking on some additional research, I've had "aha!" moments regarding a couple of career questions, children questions, and a fitness question.



The career questions always lead to "Will this make me happy as well as help me provide for my children?" I think my "aha!" moments have settled this tumultuous inner debate I've had for at least a couple of years now, and that brings my Type A personality at ease.



Children questions are always lingering in my head, but most are "how do I deal...?" and "how are you my child?" sort of thing. But with careful pondering and many hours observing them, and one especially, I think I have realized what to do. Basically, I just need to open a different line of communication with my oldest son, who is on the cusp of tween-dom. I seriously considered creating an interactive video game just to talk wih him.

Fitness...that was the easy one. I needed to reach a certain level with my workouts, and I answered by joining one of my city's recreation centers. Within a week, I began climbing that ladder of progress. Funny thing is, even just a couple of years ago, I never thought I'd be spending about an hour a day in a gym. Everything has just made sense lately when it comes to my fitness and race training.

My "aha!" weekend was just what I needed lately. When was your last "aha!" moment?

Simply Saturday

I have nothing to say about at all. I worked today on a Saturday. I do this frequently. Usually I enjoy it because I get caught up from an entire week with minimal disruptions. Today, I missed a birthday party my kids were invited to at the typical birthday spot, Chuck E. Cheese. Now, don't get me wrong, I, like every other parent avoids Chuck E. Cheese like the plague, but what I missed the most was the photographic opportunities.

I just love taking pictures of my boys, especially in rare moments of complete enrapture of a game or activity. Those make the best pictures. Considering I have two children, more opportunities will come my way. I just hate to miss them.

Fantasy Friday

Get your mind out of the gutter...this is about a fantasy I've had for several years, many more than that, but I have refined this fantasy, year after year. I think it is close enough to perfect to actually share.

Several who really know me know I love to write, but over the years, I have lost my time and drive to write. Thank you, adulthood. As much as I hate to say this, life took me for a whirlwind ride and left me not knowing up from down and where in the world I should go. I think I found the little path hidden in the brush and tentatively, I'm taking it.

So, you're thinking, "what in the world does a little path have to do with your fantasy?"

I'd love to write in these places...(that, my friends, is what I dream of during the day, while I run, at night while I'm recouping from a busy day.)

1. A beach side cabana.

Any beach will do as long as there is the sun, the sea, and the sand.















2. Any historical tower.

Really, do not ask me why, but think about it. Writing at the top of a tower where history was made? The thought makes me want to pack my bag and leave immediately. It also makes me think of Lord Bryon writing his poetry and Don Juan or Dante toiling over The Inferno. Even though neither of them really lived in a tower, a tower is just a neat spot.


























3. On a boat.

Now close your eyes and imagine the scene from Jewel of the Nile, where Joan Wilder (Kathleen turner) throws her typewriter overboard. Yes, I can see myself doing exactly that.



















4. Lastly, and honestly, a tree house.

My own little world that I can climb into whenever I needed and wanted to write. Nowadays, I can have my entire home in a tree if I wanted. Something like this should do.


















So, what is your fantasy???

Forgotten Thought

Last night I thought of this wonderful phrase, and as soon as I thought it, I thought "that would be great in my blog". Did I immediately write it down?

Nope. I did not. Why? Probably pure laziness or the fact it was pushing 10:00 p.m., the time I usually drift off. In my defense, I think I'll use the excuse of the fact my 3 year old was sleeping in my arms. Who in their right mind would not forgive that? Anyone with any creative bone in their body would not forgive it.

All day long I've been trying to recall that one amazing thought. It's been driving me crazy. I always have some sort of something in order to jot a note down. Pen and paper, my phone, my computer, my hand, a napkin, I think once in college, I even used my jeans. My bag, purse and pockets get emptied every night of tidbits of paper with notes scribbled here and there. Some get put back, some make it to a place to save for later, some get forgotten completely, and some get washed in the laundry. I'm really irritated with myself. I know better.

Moral of the story: Always, always write down your thought(s), especially if you know you're going to use it or even think you may possibly, one day, ten years later, use it.

Little One's Surgery Countdown

So, yea...I forgot to blog yesterday. I just got overwhelmed with things this working mother has to take care of in one day. A busy bee, that's me. Plus, the interjection of a doctor's appointment for my youngest son really threw me off course. He's going in 8 days to have strabismus surgery, and the doc just wanted to take a final look. It's a relatively easy procedure, in and out in about four hours. yet, my head still spins. All I can think about is the final episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. I don't think I could handle any of that. To refresh your memory...

Ray Barone stresses about getting his adenoids removed. Everyone assures him he'll be fine, but he believes otherwise. As it turns out, the doctors have trouble taking Ray out of anesthesia, and his family quickly gets worried, until the doctor comes out moments later to explain that he is fine. It is agreed that Ray will not be told, and neither will Marie, who was in the bathroom at the time. However, Marie gets the truth out of Frank, and Debra must explain the incident to Raymond, who is still unaware of the mishap. The ensuing discussion, which includes Robert and Amy as well, involves Ray asking, "So for 30 seconds, you all thought I might be dead?", which was followed with a smile and asking, "What did everybody do?" One by one, each Barone express their love for Ray (either subtly or noticeably). The next day, the entire family sits down at the table for breakfast. Everyone is talking and laughing, and the show ends on that note. - -Plot synopsis from Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Finale_(Everybody_Loves_Raymond)

I know that the probability of this happening is next to nothing, but the thought is still there. The next 8 days seem arduous and full of time-occupying activities to keep my mind in other places. The countdown begins...

A New Month

Every 30-ish days, I get a do over. At least that's how it seems to me, especially this month. Maybe it's because Spring is right around the corner. Maybe it's just because I like a clean slate. I really don't know. I do know every 1st of the month, I get a little twitter in my step and a shot of glee when I turn that calendar page. I don't care if my calendar is already packed, I just love turning that page.

So, this month I'm hopping on this "clean slate" feeling and blogging every day this month. I am a bit terrified because I often feel I rarely have anything interesting enough for people to read every day. Perhaps that's the reason I post on an occasional basis. Nevertheless, I plan to post every single day even if I really have nothing witty or something deep to get off my chest. Maybe this will be the creative kick in the rear I need. We'll see.

Projects

Last night I watched Julie & Julia, and in the back of my mind, I thought to myself, "I should do a project like that". You know, a year-long project learning to do something and learning about myself, and then I thought..."I'm already doing that, and more". My year long 'diligence' project would be considered my race training. I already blog about it here, and just like Julie's cooking project in the movie, it takes diligence, dedication, inspiration, and a willingness to go beyond your normal tendencies.

As I began to think of the "and more" part, I realized how many side projects I have going all the time...and this on top of all my working-mother/wife-busy-as-all-get-out schedule. So, let's see who gets overwhelmed first at the sight of my list:

• Soccer. Outdoor soccer for me, not my kids. This takes up most Sundays for 8 months of the year just for games alone.
• Scrapbooking. Enough said, with many unfinished projects.
• Writing. I think the most progress in this area is in my blogging.
• Learning to sew. Yea...
• Monthly Girls' Night Out Organizer. Hey, it's the only way I can guarantee I see everyone on a semi-regular basis.
• Converting to a more organic, natural livelihood everyday. It's actually pretty hard when you have very little time for research, testing, etc.
• Trying to save the world one little corner at a time. Well, at least trying to make a difference in someone's world.

Now, that I see it all typed out, it measures up to a paltry little list, but one has to consider the components of each "project" making each one a bit more complex than it seems. Yet, it still makes me consider something else entirely. Perhaps my year long project is to make progress within all of my other projects...hmmm, that is a possibility and another subject for yet another post.

Letting It Go

Of all the lessons I still need to learn, letting go is probably the biggest lesson of all I need to learn. If I just let go, even a little, wishes may come true, desires may become reality, and peace can be found. On New Year's Eve, I realized I actually have much to let go of...dreadful traditions, unfulfilled relationships, little "sentimental" items with no actual sentiment. For once, I have no plan to take on this daunting character task I have before me.

Yet, that in itself, is another way of letting go. I keep trying to plan this, plan that, plan for whom, plan for what. Plans don't turn out, I get disappointed and then my "plans" are ruined. I'm not saying not to plan for anything, but somehow I've managed to plan practically every second of my life and now my family's lives. I thought I was organized, but I realized I've started becoming overbearing, controlling, and difficult at times. That's not me. Plans now go out the window. I'm doing the essential planning, but letting life happen as well. My family flourishes under spontaneity. Even if it is baking sugar cookies from scratch at 9 p.m. at my sister's house and we stay up late waiting for them to finish or just the occasional playtime before bed or better yet, the surprising hug and thank you to the husband.

Another area to let go is with certain people, certain relationships and certain expectations. First things first, I'm easily letting go of people who make me feel less than myself or worse than I should. Thing is, I never really cared what they thought of me, I just always let people's good happenings get to me and make me see the negative in my life. I was miserable when I should be extremely happy in a life I work hard to make.

A little while ago, I start living by this anonymous quote: The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs. I started weeding out people who I thought I needed in my life yet, they apparently didn't need me in theirs. Part of my letting go will take my weeding out, or deciphering, process to another level. I will start letting go of certain aspects of certain relationships; certain aspects that have kept me from growing with my family, growing within my marriage, growing within my community, and most importantly, growing within myself.

I hope at the end of all of this I will become the person I think I am, the person I know that's hiding in me somewhere, the person who got lost years ago and is ready to come home.

Goodbye 2009

2009 wasn't a spectacular year, yet in reflection, I conjured up a list of great things that happened.

• I lost a total of 22 pounds.
• Taylor started karate and ended the year with a green belt.
• Paul appreciated the goings on of a stay-at-home parent.
• Cyrus' communication level increased exponentially.
• Taylor attended his first "real" rock concert...with me, of all people.
• Paul appreciated becoming re-employed.
• Cyrus has become 98.5% potty trained.
• Paul joined a new band and debuted it on the last night of the year.
• I ran my first 5K for the Susan G. Komen foundation.
• I met and become friends with fantastic people...all thanks to the WWW.
• Taylor learned the first lesson of responsibility and consequences with chores and allowance.
• Taylor joined the Borman Singing Astros out of his own desire.
• I read 39 books this year.
• Cyrus has an artistic streak a mile and more wide, and it has flourished.
  
• We all learned lessons of the importance of family and good people.

Now we put 2009 to rest and save the memories to live the adventure of 2010.