Thirty-Two Thoughts

Since my birthday, all sorts of thoughts have been swirling in my head. I happened to capture thirty-two of them in honor of my 32nd birthday.

1. I truly believe this next year of my life has an end result of fabulous.

2. The strongest I have ever felt is when I gave birth, finished every race, and every minute on the soccer pitch.

3. I just may be one of the biggest jocks in a skirt you may ever meet.

4. I have amazing legs. Sure, they look good, but I am more amazed at what they have carried me through than anything.

5. I really do enjoy flowers. Don’t let my tough girl front fool you.

6. Massages really are a saving grace. As much as I put my body through the ringer, sometimes someone else needs to do the job.

7. An objective opinion never really hurts anything at all.

8. A couple of really great friends really can make you feel like the most popular person in the world.

9. It really is true that the older you get, the less you care what people think about you.

10. Even though happiness is something I search for, I think I want peace more than anything.

11. No matter how I feel, my two wonderful boys will always bring some sort of a smile to my face.

12. Passion is contagious.

13. An awesome pair of shoes can turn a so-so outfit into spectacular.

14. Sometimes it is about the big things.

15. A camera is the best way to jolt a horrible memory.

16. One of these days, I won't do "what I should" and it just might be the best darn day of my life.

17. One color can bring back confidence such as a red lipstick, red top, or red toenail polish.

18. Love does hurt, even when you're going through a good spell.

19. I never thought going to bed at 9 p.m. as a good thing until I started running before the sun came up.

20. Expectations people place on you can be confining; expectations you think people place on you feels like jail.

21. Some people do really just get the luck of the draw, and I just have to keep working to get my royal flush.

22. Putting yourself first is not selfish.

23. Solitude should be a commodity, at least for the next 8-14 years.

24. Good mattresses can transform you in a matter of nights.

25. I've had my heart broken more than anyone will ever know.

26. Mexican food tops my food list, and I suggest it for every meal.

27. The perfect night always includes at least one margarita.

28. I'm finding more of myself everyday.

29. I thank my mother (at least mentally) for something everyday. She may not know it but she taught me more about what I wanted out of life than anyone.

30. I've been serious for way too long at way too young of an age. Beware! The fun search has begun.

31. Daily, I struggle with several things I never talk about. This is probably the closest I will ever talk about it.

32. Perspective is probably the one thing that can change in a second and impact the rest of your life.

Admist a Metamorphosis

Currently, I am wrapped in an invisible cocoon. Thinking, deciding, wondering, pondering. Changes in my heart, my spirit, my soul are necessary for the butterfly within to emerge. Yet, the transformation process is a slow one to progress forward. The changes began nearly two years ago, slowly, independently, quietly within the dark corners of my mind. As days passed and I looked deeper inside myself, the changes began to grow louder until my voice broke the silence and announced my needs.

Since declaring my necessities, I have stepped within myself and began to wrap my doubts, my fears, my questions around me creating a numbing cocoon, in which I can hide and delve into the depths of my mind. I protect myself with a disguise of someone who used to be me. This clone, or other me, walks daily through my life. The other me lives like I do, yet numb, broken, nearly empty. Still, I hide inside waiting for the day I break through and emerge from self-preservation, eager to live and let life fill me again.

Sense of Self

I have always gotten crap about keeping up my active hobbies/interests/life (yes, even my college studies) after becoming a family and not giving up everything completely for my kids. Granted, my kids are my life, but I am an independent person who needs to experience my own things, and I expect my kids to be the same way. The extremely independent people are often the most creative, imaginative, and amazing people I have ever met.

So, today after reading Jo Frost's (aka Super Nanny) e-newsletter, I felt vindicated, maybe more like justified, when I read the tip of the month from her guest this month.

TIP OF THE MONTH

Rebecca Woolf's tip for moms: My grandmother's sage advice was/is "let the baby adapt to you." I think it's so-so important to maintain a strong sense of self, stay passionate about other things and experience life in ways independent of our children. This way our kids will never grow up in a household where they were resented. A mother shouldn't sacrifice her "self" for her children. It's not fair for her or her babies.

To get more awesome tips, ideas, and advice from the Super Nanny, go here: http://www.jofrost.com/