Friday, June 26, 2009

My Husband, the Blogger

My husband has officially joined the blogging community. He is actually quite good at it, especially since he's writing about his one true love, the only love I have to compete with, music. He's having so much fun, and I am glad for him, eveh though we now have to compete for "quiet computer time" a.k.a., blogging and computer research without kids in our laps or kids yelling or fighting right beside us as we are trying to be brilliant. Yet, we will manage. :)
In honor of him joining the throngs of the online writers, I dedicate this post solely to him and his blog. Subpar is a blog dedicated to the rare and often forgotten music that I have rarely heard or not prefer to hear. Read more below.

SUB-PAR: Not measuring up to traditional standards of performance, value, or production. Music available from this Blog, the U.S. Government does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed. The music on this blog is intended for review purposes and should not be seen as a substitute for the original, legal product. Support your Artist and Musicians by Purchasing Music if you like it.
So, have fun, you guys and remember support your music by purchasing, not pirating!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

A Dreamer's Heartbreak

I always used to pride myself on the fact that I was a dreamer, living with expectations of things that could happen. I guess you could say I was actually an optimist at one time. But the life of this dreamer has led to nothing but heartbreak. No, I'm not talking about the romance kind of heartbreak. Heartbreak when you realize that your dreams have just put your expectations of life way too high. Heartbreak that you realize that you're not the person who can conquer the world, or the city or hell, even some days your own home. Heartbreak when you realize that plans are made to be broken, expecting leads to disappointment, and dreams are just something to keep your mind entertained when you're not busy with something else. Heartbreak when you realize that the adult version of you is nothing like the person you know you should be, but you don't know how you got there or what to do to change. Heartbreak when the fun, creative, smiling woman that you once were is now hidden away in some shell that functions through your everyday life. Heartbreak is knowing that you have to pretend your happiness so the significant people in your life will stay, when all you want to do is just "be".

I keep being told "don't give up", "just hang on", etc., etc. When are people going to realize I am exhausted, and the fingernails I've been hanging on by are ready to break. I've had one dream come true in the last 7.5 years. If the fact that dream wasn't my youngest son, I'd be highly disappointed. Yet, my boys are my reasons. They are the reasons I endure this heartbreak, disappointment, anger, and loneliness. They are the reasons I try somehow to make things better everyday for them. They are the reasons I hide my tears in the streams of the shower, in the pockets of my pillows, and in the words I never speak.