Monday, January 4, 2010

Letting It Go

Of all the lessons I still need to learn, letting go is probably the biggest lesson of all I need to learn. If I just let go, even a little, wishes may come true, desires may become reality, and peace can be found. On New Year's Eve, I realized I actually have much to let go of...dreadful traditions, unfulfilled relationships, little "sentimental" items with no actual sentiment. For once, I have no plan to take on this daunting character task I have before me.

Yet, that in itself, is another way of letting go. I keep trying to plan this, plan that, plan for whom, plan for what. Plans don't turn out, I get disappointed and then my "plans" are ruined. I'm not saying not to plan for anything, but somehow I've managed to plan practically every second of my life and now my family's lives. I thought I was organized, but I realized I've started becoming overbearing, controlling, and difficult at times. That's not me. Plans now go out the window. I'm doing the essential planning, but letting life happen as well. My family flourishes under spontaneity. Even if it is baking sugar cookies from scratch at 9 p.m. at my sister's house and we stay up late waiting for them to finish or just the occasional playtime before bed or better yet, the surprising hug and thank you to the husband.

Another area to let go is with certain people, certain relationships and certain expectations. First things first, I'm easily letting go of people who make me feel less than myself or worse than I should. Thing is, I never really cared what they thought of me, I just always let people's good happenings get to me and make me see the negative in my life. I was miserable when I should be extremely happy in a life I work hard to make.

A little while ago, I start living by this anonymous quote: The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs. I started weeding out people who I thought I needed in my life yet, they apparently didn't need me in theirs. Part of my letting go will take my weeding out, or deciphering, process to another level. I will start letting go of certain aspects of certain relationships; certain aspects that have kept me from growing with my family, growing within my marriage, growing within my community, and most importantly, growing within myself.

I hope at the end of all of this I will become the person I think I am, the person I know that's hiding in me somewhere, the person who got lost years ago and is ready to come home.

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